by Maureen Shaw.
I received an email this week from one of our members at SexyAds.com that left me reeling. Now if you’ve never visited our site, we allow our members to write pretty much whatever they want in their personal ads or blogs or forum posts and as the name implies, sometimes it’s of an adult nature. So today this guy gets an email from a woman who’s been a member for more than 6 months and has logged in 298 times. She writes:
Hello, my name is Mandy and I saw your profile and thought I’d drop you a line. I’m happily single and permanently celibate by choice. What about you, what’s your story? |
Now don’t get me wrong, being single can can often does have its advantages and after a while I’d get used to it, but never in my wildest imagination could I say the oxymoronic “I’m happily single.” I could go with reluctantly single or unfortunately single or better yet contentedly single. I just couldn’t figure out what this woman thought she was doing on an adult personals site if she was happily single AND permanently celibate.
As for permanently celibate, how can anyone say that? I could say that today I’m celibate or that I’ve been celibate for the past 6 months, but unless I get on my knees and make a vow of chastity, I reserve the right to change my mind. Anyone who says they’re permanently celibate is loopy. We all need passion and intimacy, that’s the way we’re put together. She’s obviously got a few bits and bobs in the wrong spots. I’ve read about these people who consider themselves asexual and maybe that’s the type of site she needs to find. I can’t imagine anyone willingly missing out on the excitement and fulfillment of a sexual experience.
Never one to let things die an easy death, I decided to write to the woman and tell her that I owned the site and that I’d received an email from a very confused member after he received her message and could she tell me what she expected to find on the site. I was only curious I told her.
If I thought she was weird before, her reply nearly popped my peepers out. She wrote:
Dear Maureen, Thank you for your kind letter of Thursday last. I’ve been a member here for a while now and I’m having a really good time. While I’m determined to stay single, I do want to date. I just don’t want to have sex with any of them. I know it probably seems silly to you for me to be on your site when I should be at a non-adult dating site where there is no focus on sexuality, but I prefer a site like yours and here’s why. The men are really sexy. They think they’re sexy and they feel sexy. It makes a huge difference when we go out that they want me even though they know they can’t have me. I hope this explains things. |
Ummm.. no. I think she’s a freakin nutter and I was all ready to zap her membership and put her in the bullshit bin, but I thought I’d show it to my husband just for laughs. He took it very seriously and said that maybe I was the one with the problem. Surely there was room in the world (and on our site) for people with a different view, he told me. I just shook my head. I went on about how she’d be bad for business, teasing and flirting and never wanting to go further. I worried about the risk that she’d get hurt by someone who wouldn’t take teasing and then a no and didn’t want to be a part of that. So we compromised. For this one woman, we created a new category that is only visible on this one profile - permanently celibate.
About the author: In her spare time Maureen Shaw posts to a blog at www.feelingflirty.com about flirting, relationships and sexuality. She met the sexiest man on the planet through a personal ad on the net in 1994 and shortly after they created an adult dating community at www.sexyads.com. Over the past 10 years there’s not much this old broad hasn’t heard or seen - like the guy who painted himself green and posed for his profile photo lying in the snow like a snow angel – and he was naked under that paint.
