by Mary Powers.

So you finally gave in and posted an online profile. You were so concerned about choosing the right photo and striking the perfect balance between “casually breezy” yet “intellectual”, that you’d forgotten the whole point of this was to actually meet someone. So when you sifted through your responses and came across someone who might actually be a decent match for you, you panicked.

Which is what you’re doing now, standing in your closet, planning for your date. He looks pretty cute, seems nice and is funny. At least online. We all know how face-to-face meetings can render one mute.

The big questions are still looming, though:

1. What should I wear?

Well, it depends on where you’re going. If you’re heading out for drinks, be sure to wear something wine-colored. This way, if you’re nervous and spill your drink on yourself, he may never even notice. (Unless you’re planning to spill it on him, in which case, you may want to suggest that he wear something wine-colored as well.) Try not to let the ladies out too much. If you must reveal something, reveal your lovely elbows. Or a finely-turned earlobe. Wearing something too low-cut will immediately send the message you may not be willing to send just yet. (And it’s not “tennis anyone?”) And besides, you really don’t want to spend all evening being the eyeball police and keeping them out of your cleavage.

2. To shave or not to shave?

If you’re not going to show any leg, there’s no need to shave. In fact, not shaving is a great defense against getting too…shall we say…”frisky.” It is only the first date. Why even risk having baby-smooth, touchable legs? Don’t waste a shave. Lord knows there’ll be plenty more times for you to blot your bloody ankle bone with toilet paper.

3. Is my breath ok?

Whatever you do, don’t forget to do the full-on brush. Not just the teeth. Do the tongue, and if you have time, floss, too. You’ll be glad you did when you discover later that you have a piece of oregano trumpeting its presence from your right incisor. (Did you even have oregano?) At least you’ll know it wasn’t there when you left the house.

4. Where to meet?

Well, since you’re meeting someone online for the first time, and you’ve Googled his name, all the aliases you could create from it, as well as any other random tidbit of information he may have thrown your way, you might as well meet him at the local police station so he can undergo the rest of the background check. That way, you’ll be assured fresh coffee and even fresher doughnuts.

5. What to talk about?

Keep your cats out of it, unless he asks about them (which he won’t). Ditto for your fingernails and the contents of your makeup bag. Don’t mention any medications you’re on, or any medications you’d like to be on. Don’t mention sports unless you know the difference between a touchdown and a home run. And that they occur on two different fields.

That should do it. If you can make it through the first date without being offended, disgusted or groped, that bodes well for a second date. Next time, wear something guacamole-colored.

About the author: Colleen is a freelance writer living outside Chicago with her two rescued Golden Retrievers. She has written more than her share of personal ads for her own entertainment and that of her friends. Her interests include saving the canine world from abuse and abandonment and finding typos on menus.